


Scabs and Scars

by CupcakeOfAwesomeness



Series: Left Unsaid No Longer [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Dermatillomania, Established Relationship, Jared is a good boyfriend 😌✨, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Scars, Skin Picking Disorder, this is solely based on my own experience with skin picking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27396706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupcakeOfAwesomeness/pseuds/CupcakeOfAwesomeness
Summary: Jared finds out something alarming about his boyfriend.[Or: the fic where I project my experience with skin picking onto Evan.]
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Series: Left Unsaid No Longer [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001469
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Scabs and Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!!! This is something I've struggled with for YEARS, but it only got REALLY bad this year! I wrote this lil fic a few months ago, and I'm doing, like, pretty okay rn, but yeah. I've never been formally diagnosed with Dermatillomania, but I have literally no idea what else it could be, so pretty sure it's that lol.

Jared only started noticing it after dating Evan for a week. The way that he would nervously bite his fingers—not his finger _nails_ , but the flesh around them—and casually pick off scabs on his arms and legs. It wasn't alarming, not at first; he used to bite his nails when he was younger and who _hadn't_ ripped off a scab or two? Then, when they were having a sleepover after three months of dating, once they changed into pyjamas, he saw his boyfriend's bare feet for the first time. 

“Ev,” he whispered, staring in disbelief at the scarred skin marring Evan's feet. 

“What? Don't tell me you're into feet,” Evan joked, though Jared could hear the nervousness in his voice. He scratched at a scab near his elbow. 

“Did—” Jared's voice shook. “Did _you_ do that? To—to _yourself_?”

“It's not that bad,” Evan mumbled, looking away in shame. 

“Evan, your feet are _covered_ with scars... I'm not _mad_ , babe, I'm _worried_.” Jared gently took Evan's hand—the one that was picking—and squeezed it lovingly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I _know_ I'm fucked up,” Evan whispered and Jared could practically _feel_ his heart break. “I don't know why I do it, though...”

“You're _not_ fucked up, Ev—”

“ _Really_? Have you ever felt a bump or pimple or scab on your body and had the overwhelming compulsion to _rip it off_?” Jared stayed quiet. “I—I _can't stop_ , Jare! If I somehow _don't_ pick at it, I just _think about it_ , and I _can't stop thinking_ about it until it's _gone_.” Evan's eyes were welling up now. “I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know how to stop.”

“Evan, you're not _fucked up_ ,” Jared said quietly, voice unwavering. “You're _not_. We all have our shit. Have you talked with Dr. Sherman about it?”

“I don't know how to bring it up,” Evan muttered, glancing at his lap. “It's not even, like, _a thing_ —it's just—just a bad habit.”

“How about Heidi?”

“ _God_ , no. I—I'm _fine_ , Jared.”

Jared frowned, squeezing his boyfriend's hands again. “I just don't want you to be hurting—”

“It doesn't even hurt,” Evan insisted. “I promise!”

“I don't just mean physically.” Evan stayed quiet. “I'm not, like, studied in mental health, obviously, but there's probably some brain thing behind this, right?” Evan shrugged, looking away guiltily. Jared quickly continued, “Evan, it's _okay_ that you haven't said anything to anyone yet—I _know_ how hard that is, and you're _so_ brave for explaining your feelings to me now—but you _do_ need to talk to someone more educated than me. If I could help you all on my own, I _would_ , in a _heartbeat_ , but I know that I can't.” He released his boyfriend's hands and cupped his face lovingly instead. “Please, Ev? It doesn't have to be _now_ , or even _tomorrow_ , just _soon_.”

Evan nodded, mumbling, so quietly that he almost couldn't hear, “Okay...”

Jared kissed his forehead proudly. “I'm here for you every step of the way.”

The ghost of a smile graced Evan's lips. “Thanks, Jared. I lov—” He cut himself off suddenly, eyes wide with terror. “I, uh—”

“ _I love you too_ ,” Jared said, tugging Evan into a tight embrace, grinning from ear-to-ear. Evan gripped him equally as tight, already crying at his accidental confession. Jared didn't let go, even when his glasses pressed uncomfortably into the side of his head and got smudged with his own tears. “I've loved you for a long time, Evan. I love you. I'm _in_ love with you. _I love you_.”

Evan couldn't return the words—not through his hiccups and choked tears and anxiety—but the way he grasped the fabric of Jared's shirt and pressed his face into his shoulder told Jared everything he needed to hear. 

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhh end stuff: 
> 
> Yeah, the feet thing is based on my experience. My feet are legitimately scarred from me picking at them lol 🙃 like I said earlier, I'm doing okay rn but anyways
> 
> This is a shorty, but I just wanted to project and pretend I had a boyfriend who would say these things to me 😌✨ I love when Jared is a loving and supportive boyfriend!!!!!!!
> 
> Hopefully none of you are going through this, but if you are, know you're not alone and we'll get through it!! 💜 ~Jayce


End file.
